I realized I have not explained what happened and why Noah did not make it. From what the doctors and midwife can figure out is that, while everything was developing, the placenta, the cord and Noah, they did not develop properly. For whatever reason the placenta did not function as well as it should, which caused Noah to steal as much nutrients as he could and that left less for the cord. While the cord did transfer blood alright, the walls of it did not become think and strong. So when Noah descended into the pelvis, the cord which rested across his shoulder got pinched between him and the pelvis. It continued to push some nutrients across but eventually ruptured. We had no way of knowing his was in distress since contractions had not started yet and the mid-wife thought everything was fine, until Sharon kept bleeding. By this time it was too late no matter what happened, little Noah who grew so big and strong against the odds, could not overcome this obstacle.
Having said all of that I want to get on to events that transpired later that have given Sharon and I the gift to keep going on, the gift we all know as Hope.
The first feeling of it was when I began smelling Noah’s scent at random times and places, walking the dogs, in the shower, shopping. The most vivid was during his service.
I had received a coin with Noah engraved on it and a poem about having someone looking over me on the back side. It was from our friend and neighbor Deb. She gave it to me a month or so before Noah was to be born. I treasured it, I never want to be without it. When unloading stuff from the van for the service I got the scent of Noah, that sweet smell like Jasmine, and paused what I was doing. I transported to a different place and time for a brief moment. As quickly as it came, the smell disappeared. I reached into my pocket to touch the coin but it was not there. I had changed pants before leaving and forgot to grab it. I panicked, I HAD to have it for his service. Quickly I called Kevin to go back to my house and get the coin, but forever reason he was already there. He thought he was to meet me there for some reason. He then went and got the coin for me and brought it to me.
I felt much better, the coin for whatever reason seems to give me strength. I plan on getting it on a necklace to wear so there is less chance to lose it, as I am notorious for losing things.
I find myself craving to smell him again, I try to make myself recall the scent. His Noah’s Ark blanket that we wrapped him in still has his smell and I love to just go and hold it and refresh that imprint in my mind. I hope never to lose that scent. I have a bar of soap a client/friend of mine, Priya, gave to us as a gift and it smells just like him. I love it. I joke with Sharon that I want to buy a couple of cases of it so I never forget. But I know I won’t. Whenever I get the scent it will all come back to me.
Also wouldn’t you know it, on that day of the service driving there i spotted a lone shoe in the road. I have not been able to get back and get the photo yet and pray it will still be there.
I want to take a moment to thank everyone who came to Noah’s service, and especially those that helped bring it to life. We really would not be able to get through this without everyone!
Please note that this story is just the beginning of what has given us hope, I have several more “happenings” that I will share but it just takes time to write them, so again, please have patience if the next is not written yet, it will be in a day or so.