Well I am going to write yet another Skippy story, but hey, what can I say, we had some fun times. I mentioned our apartment in Columbus’ South Ghetto in the Opel story, but did not go into much detail. And I am sorry to say the stories about the “G” spot bar we operated out of there will come at another time, preferably after consulting a lawyer first :)
This one starts with me hanging out in the basement of the townhouse where my room was located. I was doing homework when I heard some yelling and scuffling going on upstairs. Then loud pounding and the whole house shook and dirt and debris sifted from the basement ceiling onto my desk. It felt like an earthquake. Come to find out later it was from Skippy pounding up and down an old claw foot tub that was in his bedroom from the plumbing being reworked in the bathroom as he was in pain and very, very, angry and needed something to vent on!
I then heard the pounding of footsteps down the stairs. Being a townhouse it had two floors and the basement so it took whoever it was to reach my room from the upstairs. I heard my door open and someone fly down the steps, it was Skippy, beat red and eyes watering holding something in his hand. He acted as though he could barely see! He was so furious it looked like he was literally foaming at the mouth like a dog with rabies or something! “What’s going on Skip?” I asked. “*beeping* Kramer just maced me!!” He yelled as he fumbled around by the furnace which was close to my TV. “What?!?” I said. And just then I could see what he had in his hand, it was a roman candle. For those of you unfamiliar with fireworks it is a 14 inch or so cardboard tube packed with fireworks, and when lit it shoots out 8-10 fireballs essentially. Skippy was frantically trying to light it by using the pilot light on the furnace. I assume he cou ld not locate matches or a lighter. But since he could barely open his eyes he was really struggling. He eventually got it lit. He then became crazed again as he turned and ran upstairs.
Now while he turned around he knocked my TV a bit, and it began to wobble as I had it precariously sitting on two plastic milk crates. (It was college and we were poor :) Then it fell over, I tried to catch it but it hit the floor and popped as the tube and inner circuits blew from impact. I heard Skippy thumping the steps as he hurridly ran up the stairs with a lit roman candle in his hand. I was now angry at him and took off up the stairs after him.
As I approached the second set of stairs leading up to Skip and Kramer’s rooms, glowing fireballs of blue and red started flying and bouncing off the walls around me! I could see Skip at the top trying to stuff the roman candle under Brian’s door to no avail. It would not fit, so the fireballs instead of going into his room were deflecting from the door and the walls, all around Skippy!! I could not believe what he was doing! he was shouting “Die Kramer, DIE!! The hall glowed from the pyrotechnics. Skippy was using one hand to hold the roman candle and the other was patting himself down to keep the sparks from catching him on fire. I know I smelled singed Skippy hair.
Then when the Roman candle fizzled dead, he began kicking the door down, by the time he got through, Kramer had done the smart thing and climbed out his window and down the building to get the hell away from an enraged Skippy.
I then, still being pissed, started yelling at Skippy. He had further destroyed our already dilapidated house and broke my TV!! He just responded to me “Quit your whining.” That sent ME over the edge! I then walked over to his TV, also perched on milk crates, and calmly pushed it over, looking at Skip the whole time as it crashed to the floor. “Now we are even.” I stated. He then tried to get out his waterbed to tackle me, but I jumped on him first. We wrestled for a bit, yelling obscenities but fighting on a water bed, already low on water was futile. We eventually grew tired and stopped.
I then asked for the story of what happened and why Kramer maced him. He said Kramer had just bought the mace and wanted to see if it would work, and just was jokingly pointing it at him, went it let some out. “And I just went Beserk! That *beep* stings!!” Then he asked why i knocked over his TV because he did not even realize he knocked mine over. He had grabbed the roman candle to light him up as revenge. We both calmed down and set out to find Kramer. He had retreated over to Gary and Scooter’s dorm room for asylum. All was good, we actually laughed about it at that point.
When we finally left the house after the end of the semester it had been condemned by the city so we just left all the burns and singes there and just got the hell out of the ghetto. There are many stories that happened there, eventually they will come out as well, maybe edited for content, but they will be told :)