🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁
I write this entry with a very sad heart. The spot we chose to bury him is in a prominent flower bed in the yard of Sharon’s parents farm house on Deal Island, Maryland. We felt this was the best spot, somewhere that we will always be around, and his ashes will always have family around. We are a nice marker engraved with his poem, and name. That will be something we do we the family over Christmas. For now a cross that belonged to my father marks his ashes resting spot.
I miss him so much. And that may seem weird since I never really had him. But I did, he lived in my heart and always will. I always imagined of the things we would do together, I lived them in my head as if they really happened. I dreamed of when we would go fishing for his first time out on grandpa’s boat, the time when I taught him to ride a bike without training wheels. His first homerun, his first day of school, going hiking together, taking him to Hawaii to snorkel, so many things…that will never happen, so many dreams that just fizzled the day we lost him. I do know he will always be with me in spirit, but somehow that just is not the same. I really miss my buddy.
One of the craziest dreams I had, but in reality is something I would probably do. I always thought it would be so cool to climb Mt. Ararat, the legendary resting place of Noah’s Ark, with him as an adult. I figured it would have been a mid-life crisis adventure for me that I would share with him, because I am just sure he was going to have my adventurous free spirit.
Amazing how I have him all in my head as if he were really here. I guess that is due in part from having named him at an early age and we always felt his soul, and what a great soul it was. I feel he let us know somehow who he was, and we ran with it. I have a friend who let it be known she thinks it is better not to know the sex until they are born because it is one of the only true surprises in life. Not true actually but a good theory, life itself is a surprise every minute, there is NO way to truly predict anything, NOTHING is absolute.
Plus if we had not named him, we would not have Noah in our lives like we do. By naming him, we made him real, a little person complete with a personality and a life force. Just anyone that knows us and they will even tell you they knew Noah through us. And some even from his spirit, I would like to think we had something to do with making him such a bright light in the world that will always live on through us and the many people he touched, we gave him a voice in essence through our imagination. And I thank god we did. Yes, it may have made things harder, but it also makes it so much easier that we did know him. It helped my recognize when he reveals himself to me, without his name he never could have revealed himself through music at MacGuire’s.
We just miss him so much and hope that someday we can be with him, I can only hope he knows how loved and missed he is. All I have is hope and I am clinging to it, it keeps me getting up everday, smiling through the loss, it literally is my oxygen that keeps me alive.
Leave a Reply