This friday July 31st, 2009 would have been Noah's 1st birthday. So to celebrate, we are doing a balloon launch to send messages up to him. We will be launching on Sat. Aug. 1st at 12 noon central time time. And invite anyone who would like to, to launch a balloon in his honor wherever you may be in the world. Happy Birthday Noah!
I knew this day would come, ever since it first happened. I don’t even know what to call it. Was Noah considered to be born since he never breathed his first breath/ So can I even call it his birthday? I know I do not want to call it the anniversary of his death. Death implies he is gone, and I KNOW he is still with us. Whether his soul came back to us in Nora, or he is looking down on us from somewhere else, he is always with us. I can feel his presence. And with an anniversary of someone’s death you mourn, and I want to celebrate.
Through it all, I still feel blessed to have had Noah come into our lives. He is a special soul. He still to this day makes me a better person. I imagine him looking down on me and I want him to be proud of his father so I try to remember that in my daily actions. I have the hope everyday that I may see him through little signs. Whether it be as blatant as another little lost croc that pops up at an opportune time, or just the way the wind blows with his spirit riding it like the drifting leaves. I see him all the time. Maybe not literally, but in my mind. I can see him there whenever I want. He is all around me.
I think of him when I see the Blue Angels plane on my desk that I bought him. I think of him with the little ceramic angel I bought that day at the hospital which I have had to glue back together several times because I refuse to put it up and want it on my lamp shade to look at. I found the Noah’s Ark puzzle we put together while Sharon was pregnant with him, missing one piece. So symbolic I can’t ignore it. I have found that piece several times and put it back, only to find the puzzle without it the next time I come across it. We miss him so much.
In Nora’s room we have a Noah wall. We kept all of the Noah’s Ark items I found and that people gave us. They are very special to us. I will forever collect Noah’s Ark stuff. I know the two of them, Nora and Noah will forever be entwined, whatever that bond may be.
One of the hard things about Sharon being pregnant is when people ask us if it is our first. How do we answer that? Do we answer yes in order to make them feel comfortable and avoid the issue. Or do we say no. That we lost our beautiful son Noah during birth and risk the awkward moment that invariably comes? We choose mostly to say no, it is not our first and briefly explain. Most say I’m sorry. Some act like I told them something about the weather and just ignore it like it is no big deal, perhaps too much to take on :) And sadly, a few even have had it happen to them. They are members of our horrible club.
So back to celebrating Noah’s birthday, because that is what we want to call it. Sharon came up with the idea of writing him messages and tying them to balloons to let them ride the wind skyward to him. I realize it is just metaphorical, but I like it. We were going to do it as a group with friends but decided to keep it personal and go to the beach, just her and I and set them free.
Now we have had people want to participate with us and they wanted to know what time exactly we are doing it so they can let one go as well where they are. We thought that was awesome. So anyone who wants to, we will be launching the balloons on Saturday, August 1st at 12 noon, central time, (1p.m. eastern time).