This is something you never want to see coming towards you. If you do, run!
One thing Skippy is known for unfortunately, has been his flatulants, or farts as most people refer to them. Ever since I can remember it has been a problem. However Skippy has had fun with his “talent”.
A story that goes way back, back when we around 12 years old, is from our trip to Hershey. We never actually made it to Hershey as we got into trouble for horsing around and his mom punished us by bypassing Hershey but I digress.
Very early into the trip his mom, sister and I worked out an emergency air evacuation process by which if one of us heard or smelled anything, even suspected that Skippy farted, we would alarm the others. We then held our breathe for as long as we could and hit the electric windows.
It could not have been more than a half hour the first time we had to run the drill. It all went according to plan except for the fact I was in the front seat and had sat my money on the dashboard and by opening the windows it all started flying around inside the car, like one of those game show money machines. Inevitably some of it got sucked out the window!
I grew up in a family that did not have a lot of money, so I got so upset that Skippy’s mom turned the car around and we proceeded to search for my lost money. All $12 of it. We did manage to find $8 so I calmed down a bit because to a kid, $8 was a lot of money :) Skippy’s fart only cost me $4 thanks goodness.
One story involving Skippy’s stinky problem that sticks in my head was one he retold me about a date he had with Oboe. We always got a laugh out of Skippy’s dates, but Skippy Chicks is a story for another day.
To add some background though, there was a plastic toy monster that we aptly named Stench Monster, that rode on the stick shift of Skippy’s Toyota truck. He was the only one that seemed to be able to handle the intense aroma, to put it mildly, that frequently emanated from Skippy.
Needless to say Skippy did not tell her the real reason he had it or its name when she entered unknowingly in his truck. The date started out fine but as they rode to dinner Skippy started to feel a familiar sensation of his stomach become unsettled. He knew what that meant and immediately schemed up a plan to release the pressure without fumigating her, risking an early end of the date.
“Do you hear that” he asked her.
“No, what? she answered.
“I think I might have flat tire, let me pull over and check” said Skip.
So Skip pulled over and got out of the truck, closing the door behind him. He proceeded to act as if he were checking the front tire doing which he said he was releasing the most toxic plume that it burned his butt when it came out. So as not to bring in a vapor trail, as he called it, he made a full loop around the truck checking all the tires to make sure he was completely aired out. He climbed back into the truck telling her “Hmmm, I didnt see anything, must be fine.”
It was not but 5 minutes down the road when he got the rumble of another eruption about to blow forth so he did it again.
“Man, there it is again” he said as if annoyed.
“It is?” she replied. “I don’t hear anything.”
“I better check it out.” he stated with concern.
So he pulled over again and closed the door so he could release again without her knowing and once again he let the vapor trail dissipate while making a lap around the truck.
Once again he came back with ” I guess everything is fine. I don’t know what is going on.”
After letting off some “steam” it seemed as if his stomach was better and he was able to continue on the date with only running to the bathroom once to relieve himself.
I remember cracking up when he told that story, it still makes me laugh thinking about him acting all nonchalant around the truck while letting go of a noxious cloud of fumes.
Another story that pops in my head regarding Skippy’s problem was just a few years back when a bunch of us friends got together in Cincinnati.
We had gotten a very long table that sat over 20 people. AT one end weas Skip’s family and Sharon and I sat all the way at the other next to Big Randy’s family and Dave’s family. So in order to talk to us, Skip would make trips down to us and then go back to his end.
As we sat and ate a foul smell seemed to be billowing from somewhere. Dave and Big Randy were trying to figure out what it was. It was nauseating for sure. But seemed to come and go. Dave thought for sure the restaurant was having a sewer issue. Randy thought it might be the dumpster smelling out back.
I however noticed the smell always got stronger right after Skippy left so I knew what was going on and acted appropriately. I left the table whenever Skippy left.
“That was nasty!” I said to Skip.
“I know” he chuckled, unable to contain the Skippy grin.
Upon coming back to the table they were all complaining about the smell, and that they should try another table. I couldn’t help it, I busted out laughing. I told them what had been going on, that Skippy had been “crop-dusting” them. They all looked down at a laughing Skip who waved at them with a look of sheer delight.
There are other stories, such as the “wet-fart” at the department store, and the . . . well, I can’t actually think of any more right now, but I know there are many others, so please if you know of any, please make a comment below. I look forward to hear the ones I omitted. And just so I explain the title of this blog. The Goshen Green Fog is a nickaname Skippy picked up along the way. Not sure if someone gave it to him, or he gave it to himself. But lives in Goshen Ohio, so the name is truly fitting.